The Club
I want to join The Club. Most of my friends are members of The Club. It
has great facilities and all the members have a really great time at Club functions which
include picnics at the park, visits to the beach and the zoo, barbecues, heaps of sport,
movies, walks, fishing, camping, holidays at great locations and generally having a great
time.
Membership of The Club is generally free and is open to anyone who wants to join. All
you have to do is fill out an application form and send it in. These are processed once a
month and the new members are notified during the following weeks. However not everyone
who applies gets to be a member.
The Membership Committee meet behind closed doors and their selection process is very
secret. The only information that I am ever told is to fill out the application form again
and try next month.
Every month for at least the last five years I have been applying for membership and
every month for the last five years it has been rejected. I don’t know why, but it is
very frustrating. I have tried every possible option. I have filled out application forms
in blue, black, red, green and purple ink. I have sent in glowing references from existing
Club members, including my parents who are Club members of long standing.
I have gift wrapped the application form, completed it in 16 different languages, tried
different sized envelopes, even sent it in with wads of money, all to no avail. I have
spoken to existing Club members and followed exactly what they did to join but without
success. I have begged, pleaded, cajoled, argued, conned, submitted, asked for nicely,
smiled, tricked, sweet-talked, threatened, said “please”, negotiated, offered,
bribed, bargained, heckled, flirted and haggled, all without success. It seems they change
the rules every month at this Club and no-one knows exactly what you have to do to become
a member.
The name of this Club is the Parent Club and I desperately want to be a member. Does
anyone know how to get in?
